What is Bullying?

Bullying is the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. It can happen face to face or online.

There are four key elements to this definition:

• hurtful

• repetition

• power imbalance

• intentional

  Bullying behaviour can be:

  • Physical – pushing, poking, kicking, hitting, biting, pinching etc.

  • Verbal  - name calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, threats, teasing, belittling.

  • Emotional – isolating others, tormenting, hiding books, threatening gestures,  ridicule, humiliation, intimidating, excluding, manipulation and coercion.

  • Sexual – unwanted physical contact, inappropriate touching, abusive comments, homophobic abuse, exposure to inappropriate films etc.

  • Online /cyber – posting on social media, sharing photos, sending nasty text messages, social exclusion

  • Indirect - Can include the exploitation of individuals. 

Baiting and Bullying

• Baiting can be used in bullying both on and offline. It can be used to bully someone to get 'a rise' out of them and it can be used to antagonise those who might be bullying others to get them to bully. Sometimes baiting is used secretively to try and get a person to explode in a rage or react negatively/loudly so that they get in to trouble. 

  If someone is baiting you, here are some examples of what you should and should not do developed from an article by Out of the Fog. 

  What NOT to do:

  • Don't take the bait!

  • Don't argue with a person or appeal to their sense of reason or logic while they are baiting you. They want you to rise to it! 

  • Don't retaliate and fall into a trap.

  What TO do:

  • Learn to recognise baiting for what it is. If you know what they are trying to do it is easier to relationalise it. 

  • Remember that the bait you can see often has nothing to do with what the other person really wants.

  • Remember that what the person is feeling is temporary and they will probably feel different in a few days or a few hours.

  • Talk to an adult you trust such as a teacher or parent and explain what they are doing and why you think they are doing it. 

  • If falsely accused, politely, briefly and calmly state the truth one time only.

  • Try to remove yourself from the situation calmly. End the conversation and exit the space/room.

  • Get support - describe what has happened to someone who understands your situation and can help you come up with a reasoned, effective plan of how to deal with it.

  Banter or Bullying 

  • Understanding the four elements of bullying is vital to knowing whether something is bullying: intentional, hurtful, repetitive, involves a power imbalance

  • Just because ‘banter’ doesn’t constitute all the elements of bullying doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

  • All offensive, threatening, violent and abusive language and behaviour is always unacceptable, whatever your role

  • This includes any negative language or behavior in relation to / referring to a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010 i.e. age, disability, gender reassignment, marriage and civil partnership, pregnancy and maternity, race, religion or belief, sex (gender), sexual orientation

  • Language and behaviour can have different meanings, in different contexts. If you’re unsure, ask what was meant

  • Just because someone uses certain language to refer to themselves it doesn’t necessarily means it’s acceptable, nor does it make it ok for you to use it

  • Just because you think something is banter or a joke doesn’t mean other people will

  • People won’t always feel confident to speak up if they are offended by something. They might even go along with it so as not to draw attention to themselves

  • Third parties might be offended, even if they’re not part of your conversation

False Friendships

Sometimes bullying isn’t as straight forward as someone openly being horrible to another person. It can be much more complicated than that. False friendships can sometimes be hard for adults to identify.

Bullying UK found in their 2016 survey that: 

• 73% of children and young people had seen social bullying taking place 

• 55% of children and young people had experienced social bullying

We have written some tips for parents about false friendships and how to support your child if they are being bullied by someone who is their ‘friend’.

• Talk to your child about what it is to be a good friend. For example, a good friend is kind and makes you feel good about yourself. This will help to highlight where there may be false friendships.

• Talk to your child about the difference between banter and bullying. Banter is playful where both parties find it funny. Bullying is repetitive and hurtful. It also involves a power imbalance. Tell them that if someone constantly puts them down they are not a real friend/ boyfriend/ girlfriend and not worth their time.

• Speak to your child’s teacher with your child. Ask them their perspective. Does your teacher fully understand the friendship/s dynamic?

• Don’t encourage your child to retaliate as this might get them into trouble themselves or put them in a dangerous position.

• Some children are more likely to have false friendships, for example disabled children, it is especially important that disabled children understand what makes a good friend.

• If your child doesn’t have many other friends, you could encourage them to get involved in extra curricular activities or activities outside of school – for example drama or a sport – so that they might be able to develop other friendships and improve their confidence.

• If your child is being bullied by someone who they thought was their friend, this can be especially hurtful. Make sure you praise them for telling you and agree a way forward together. Tell them it is not their fault.